When Someone You Love Might Be in a Romance Scam: A Guide for Friends & Family

Romance scams don’t just affect the person being targeted – they impact the people who love them. If you’re worried about a friend or family member who seems caught up in an online relationship that doesn’t feel right, you’re not alone. Many people notice the red flags long before their loved one does, but they often feel helpless, scared to say the wrong thing or unsure how to approach the situation without pushing their loved one away.

This guide is designed to help you recognise the signs, understand what’s happening and support your loved one with compassion and clarity. You don’t need to confront them or force them to see the truth – you just need to keep communication open, stay connected and know what steps to take.

1. Early Signs Something Isn’t Right

Romance scams often begin with subtle behavioural changes. These shifts can be easily dismissed at first but they’re often the earliest indicators that something is off.

Common early signs include:

• Becoming secretive about their online relationship

• Withdrawing from family or friends

• Mood changes tied to the scammer’s messages

• Defending the online partner intensely, even when details don’t add up

• Focusing almost entirely on the relationship

• Appearing distracted, anxious, or emotionally dependent

These changes aren’t about foolishness — they’re about manipulation.

2. Communication Red Flags

Scammers rely on secrecy, inconsistency, and emotional pressure. If you’re noticing any of these patterns, it’s worth paying attention.

Look out for:

• Avoidance of video calls or constant excuses

• Stories that shift or feel inconsistent

• Messaging at odd hours for their claimed location

• Pressure to keep the relationship private

• Discouraging your loved one from talking to you

• Mirroring your loved one’s personality too perfectly

These behaviours are designed to build trust while hiding the scammer’s identity.

3. Financial Red Flags

Financial involvement is the strongest indicator of a romance scam. It often begins subtly, then escalates.

Warning signs include:

• Sudden “emergencies” requiring money

• Requests for gift cards, crypto, or bank transfers

• Pressure to prove love through financial support

• Claims of frozen accounts, medical bills, or travel issues

• Defensiveness when asked about money

• Hidden financial transactions or protective behaviour around devices

If money enters the conversation, your loved one is at high risk.

4. Behavioural Changes to Watch For

Emotional grooming creates dependency, confusion and isolation. These behavioural shifts often show that the scammer’s influence is growing.

Signs include:

• Increased irritability or emotional volatility

• Loss of interest in hobbies or social activities

• Excessive time spent online or waiting for messages

• Unrealistic future plans with the online partner

• Feeling responsible for the scammer’s wellbeing

• Becoming isolated or withdrawn

These changes reflect emotional manipulation, not personal weakness.

5. How to Approach the Conversation Safely

Your tone matters more than your words. Confrontation can push your loved one deeper into the scammer’s influence. Compassion keeps the door open.

Approach gently:

• Stay calm and non‑judgemental

• Ask open‑ended questions (“How does this relationship make you feel?”)

• Focus on their wellbeing, not the scammer

• Avoid saying “You’re being scammed”

• Validate their feelings before raising concerns

• Keep communication open for future conversations

Your goal is connection, not correction.

6. What Not to Say

These phrases can shut down communication instantly and increase the scammer’s influence.

Avoid:

• “You’re being stupid.”

• “How can you not see this?”

• “It’s obviously fake.”

• “Stop talking to them right now.”

• “I told you so.”

Shame is the fastest way to lose access to your loved one.

7. Practical Steps You Can Take

You can support your loved one without escalating conflict or triggering defensiveness.

Helpful actions include:

• Offering to listen without judgement

• Asking gentle questions about inconsistencies

• Encouraging a video call with the person

• Suggesting they slow down communication

• Helping them check photos or details if they’re open to it

• Keeping notes of concerning behaviour

• Staying connected – isolation increases vulnerability

Your presence is protective.

8. When to Seek Professional Help

Some situations require outside support, especially when the scammer’s influence is strong.

Seek help if:

• Money has already been sent

• Your loved one is hiding financial activity

• The scammer is using threats or emotional manipulation

• Your loved one refuses to consider inconsistencies

• The relationship is causing significant distress or isolation

Professional verification can provide clarity without confrontation.

How PDPI Can Help

You don’t have to navigate this alone. PDPI provides discreet, trauma‑informed support for families and individuals affected by online relationships.

PDPI can assist with:

• Identity verification

• Photo and profile analysis

• Behavioural pattern assessment

• Scam‑risk evaluation

• Guidance on how to approach your loved one safely

• Clear next‑step recommendations

You deserve to feel safe and supported. PDPI can help you verify an online profile discreetly and professionally.

Compassion Is Your Most Powerful Tool

Above all, remember:

• Your loved one is not foolish – they are being manipulated

• Scammers target kindness, vulnerability, and trust

• Shame keeps victims silent

• Compassion keeps communication open

Your support can be the bridge that helps them step out of the scammer’s influence and back into safety.